ossa terra vs terra sanguine

I've spent the past couple of years like a pendulum between the questions 'Should we stay' and 'Should we go'. And I think it is something many South Africans have contemplated over the past couple of years. But this is the country of my bones, where I was made, and for this reason, more than any other, we have decided, over and over, to stick it out - even when it seems like our own government no longer wants us here.

But my husband and I spent the last couple of weeks in Europe, and our minds were made up. As much as South Africa is the country of my bones, Germany is the country of my blood, of my soul. I stepped off the plane, and I had this sudden feeling of coming home. And even though my spoken German is beyond rusty these days, the language simply did not create a barrier. But there was something else.

Suddenly we were surrounded by people who were happy, content, in their every day lives. No signs of the daily fear and paranoia we live with in SA, not a sign of the aggression that we take for granted. Instead, we saw people on all walks of life content with life, happy to do their jobs - it wasn't a favour to anyone around them - and snug in a society that runs on trust rather than fear.

And this was an eye opener. We realised that we had been living in fear, but we could not grasp the extent of the fear that gripped up until we were removed from it. And suddenly we were immersed into a society that felt comfortable riding their bicycles to go shopping - and leave the shopping in the basket of the bicycle when at each stop, rather than carrying it all with in fear of it being stolen - and could enjoy the infrastructure of the first world, where everything works, and is maintained, and works for the people, not just a select few.

My mother and I always use the analogy of crayfish when talking about the South African public. When you cook crayfish, you boil them alive slowly in a pot, slowly turning up the heat so they don't notice until it is too late. And that really is how the South African public is being treated. We keep telling ourselves everything will be ok, everything will turn out fine, it isn't really that bad here, and the rest of the world has problems too.

I honestly cannot think of another country where everything really is all right where 55 people are murdered every single day of the year. I no longer think it is normal to live in prisons, and be too afraid to go out after dark in your own neighbourhood. I no longer think it is acceptable to live in fear, to not know the neighbours, to believe that it is ok that our own government promotes racist behaviour towards specific groups of people. It really isn't ok.

So, it has been decided that my family and I will return to the land of my blood, leaving the land of my bones behind. And we will make some sacrifices initially, but we believe it will pay off long-term.