donec vitae tuta

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.”
― William G.T. Shedd

I think I have been playing it safe for far too long. It has been years since I did something wild, something that made my heart pound in my chest. Something that I may potentially have to apologize for.

Instead, I have been asking permission. Not just from the people around me, but from the universe as a whole. And when there is no response, I accept it as a decline, and do nothing.

Even last year, when I dragged the husband off to a music festival on another continent, it was safe. I planned it all upfront, made sure we had all the right equipment, and even packed emergency rations, for in case. I played it safe.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
― Mark Twain

My heart is yearning for adventure. Let’s commandeer a ship, it shouts, and sail the oceans till we find Tartarus. Let us chase the stars to the end of the rainbow. Let us swing from the rings of Saturn.

My head. My damned head. It keeps spoiling the fun. The conversation goes something like this:

Heart: Let’s go commandeer a ship

Head: Seriously? The closes harbour is 700km away. And besides, it is not like in Pirates of the Carribean. You can’t just walk up and commandeer a ship these days. It is a little more complicated than that.

Heart: Oh yeah? Just follow me, and I will show you. We can do this. And sail the oceans and-

Head: No, seriously. Sail? Ships use engines and fuel these days.

Heart: We’ll erect a mast (*giggle*) hoist a sail and off we go.

Head: And what about the family?

And so they’ll continue, until head eventually switches off body and forces heart to go sleep. And so, I spend more and more time sleeping now.

My heart is broken at the moment – a completely different story that I am sure I will eventually allow myself to think about – so head is winning the battle. But, even through the pain, every heart beat longs for adventure. Maybe it is because of the pain that the longing for adventure is even stronger at the moment.

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
― Hunter S. Thompson

Luckily, there is another adventure planned for the near future. Maybe this time, I can not overthink it, and allow my heart to also wander and explore. Although, I am travelling with my husband and daughter, so head may just win again. Or maybe, just maybe, head will listen to me and allow heart to lead the way.

imo ego irascor

I am angry. I think I was born angry, but that is beside the point. I am angry.

Angry with every single one of you who believes it is ok to steal oxygen and contribute duck all to the world. And every single one of you who believes it is ok to raise your hand to another living creature - human or otherwise - in anger. And those of you who believe it is perfectly alright to inflict pain on others - human or otherwise - for your own enjoyment.

I am angry at you, yes you, who breaks promises. And you, who talks nasty behind someone else's back. And you, who uses words like 'gay' as an insult.

And you, motherfucker, who thinks your kid is yours to do with as you please.

And you, who knows that this is happening and does nothing. You piss me off most of all.

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ossa terra vs terra sanguine

I've spent the past couple of years like a pendulum between the questions 'Should we stay' and 'Should we go'. And I think it is something many South Africans have contemplated over the past couple of years. But this is the country of my bones, where I was made, and for this reason, more than any other, we have decided, over and over, to stick it out - even when it seems like our own government no longer wants us here.

But my husband and I spent the last couple of weeks in Europe, and our minds were made up. As much as South Africa is the country of my bones, Germany is the country of my blood, of my soul. I stepped off the plane, and I had this sudden feeling of coming home. And even though my spoken German is beyond rusty these days, the language simply did not create a barrier. But there was something else.

Suddenly we were surrounded by people who were happy, content, in their every day lives. No signs of the daily fear and paranoia we live with in SA, not a sign of the aggression that we take for granted. Instead, we saw people on all walks of life content with life, happy to do their jobs - it wasn't a favour to anyone around them - and snug in a society that runs on trust rather than fear.

And this was an eye opener. We realised that we had been living in fear, but we could not grasp the extent of the fear that gripped up until we were removed from it. And suddenly we were immersed into a society that felt comfortable riding their bicycles to go shopping - and leave the shopping in the basket of the bicycle when at each stop, rather than carrying it all with in fear of it being stolen - and could enjoy the infrastructure of the first world, where everything works, and is maintained, and works for the people, not just a select few.

My mother and I always use the analogy of crayfish when talking about the South African public. When you cook crayfish, you boil them alive slowly in a pot, slowly turning up the heat so they don't notice until it is too late. And that really is how the South African public is being treated. We keep telling ourselves everything will be ok, everything will turn out fine, it isn't really that bad here, and the rest of the world has problems too.

I honestly cannot think of another country where everything really is all right where 55 people are murdered every single day of the year. I no longer think it is normal to live in prisons, and be too afraid to go out after dark in your own neighbourhood. I no longer think it is acceptable to live in fear, to not know the neighbours, to believe that it is ok that our own government promotes racist behaviour towards specific groups of people. It really isn't ok.

So, it has been decided that my family and I will return to the land of my blood, leaving the land of my bones behind. And we will make some sacrifices initially, but we believe it will pay off long-term.

mendacia audimus

"But better to be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie."
— Khaled Hosseini

I don’t know about you, but I really hate being lied to. I cannot stand the thought of the truth being kept from me, and I would far rather be briefly upset by the truth than to be lied to and have the truth stolen from me. And once you have lied to me one lousy time, no matter how small the lie, I will probably never trust you again (but we can work on it).

But a politician that lies is unforgivable. Even if he doesn’t believe he is a politician. Yes, I am on the Malema wagon again. And you know what, I need to make it clear from the get go, I am not on this wagon for any reason other than the fact that I care for my country and its people, and do not like the direction in which Malema and his army of morons are trying to steer the country (and, unfortunately, appear to be succeeding).

South Africa is a country with great potential, but the potential is rapidly waning due to corruption and this concept that everyone the chosen elite is entitled to the wealth and resources of this country without having to work a day for it. Nothing comes from nothing. The citizens of this beautiful country work hard, pay their taxes and often get very little in return, as the politicians spend our money on ideas and blabber without delivery.

And Malema is the poster boy for ideas and blabber without delivery. And he is dangerous, even if no-one in government wants to admit it openly. But lets talk about his latest lies, as that is what started this conversation in the first place.

It was nobody's business where he got his money from - and his supporters did not mind his lavish lifestyle, ANC Youth League leader Julius Malema said on Wednesday

[source]

Apparently, it is perfectly acceptable to live a lavish life filled with sushi, designer suits, multi-million rand properties and luxury cars while fighting for the rights of the poor. Because someone who lives in a house with a room count higher than his own IQ can perfectly understand the plight of someone who shares a one bedroom makeshift shack with no running water or electricity with 5 other people. It is easy to make decisions on behalf of the poor and destitute over caviar and French champagne.

From the same article:

First he said the news report only existed in "the imaginations of right-wing, narrow-minded and obsessed white people"
Then he told a journalist who asked where he got his money from: "It's none of your business... you must mind your own business."
He was a private citizen and not accountable to the media, said the African National Congress Youth League leader.

Ok, so let’s get a couple of things clear here:

1. Not all white people are right-winged or narrow-minded. In fact, you may find the majority of us are actually quite nice people who like to believe that we are all equal.
2. No-one is accountable to the media, the media exists to serve public interest. This means that the news is reported to ensure tax payers are informed on what the government – who is also in place to serve public interest, just as an FYI – does with our money and our country.
3. The minute one becomes a politician, one is no longer a private citizen. If you decide to open your mouth in public, your business is no longer your own.

I think Mr Malema must decide if he wants a life in politics, or if he wants to be a private citizen. I know many many people will applaud (and do the happy dance) should he decide to return to the life of a private citizen so that the media can leave him alone, but somehow I cannot see that happening.

But the reason we keep hammering on Malema is because he keeps telling the big lies, and he very much resembles another very dangerous man from history.

His primary rules were: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it.

Sounds like Malema’s profile, but it is actually a description of Adolf Hitler’s profile. And there are many other similarities between Malema and Hitler’s methodologies. Like Malema declaring racism = murder, after making racist comments like ‘white people are criminals’ himself earlier this year.

The longer we allow Malema to spread hate, the further away we move from the ideals of Mandela, and the worse things will be in this country. And that is not the paranoid ramblings of a middle-class white chick, seriously, but rather the truth raised by anyone with half a brain. We need to stop allowing this moron to polarise the country, and rather return to the wonderful rainbow nation we (ever so briefly were) were not too long ago.

domare draconis

"We are our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves." ~ Tom Robbins

I remember once, when I was a young girl, someone told me that in order to tame the dragon you have to name it. Only later did I realise that it did not refer to the scaled winged creatures of the other world, but our dragons, our demons, our monsters are the things that break us down, that make us weak, that bring out the abyss in our souls. The only way we can survive the challenges life throws our way is by taming our dragons, giving them a name and understanding exactly why they are what they are in the first place. To name the thing is to control the thing.

I am sounding terribly preachy. But I am not. I am taming a few dragons this week, and reminding myself why.